What are my priorities again?

Laid-back moment with my baby, Marty.

Today, I just want to take a moment to reevaluate my life. Time flies so fast that I just spend most of it just sucking everything up and getting by. Some days, I would stop a moment to ask myself, "Merl, what are your priorities again?" Then I'd spend another moment or two to answer that; sometimes I'd just brush it away. But today, at this very moment, I want to take all the time I have to answer that question, among others. (I've purposely attached photos in random places, just in case you get bored of reading the text.)

They say you can never really help others without helping yourself first, so let me talk about what I want and dream for myself. College degree, check. Professional license, check. Experience, check. So I'm academically and professionally equipped to optimize what career I have now. Now, what do I do next?

Currently, I am enjoying my job as a home-based editor. Financially, it is, well, just enough; I know can earn more if I work harder and there's still plenty of room for improvement. Self-discipline, which is something I'm working hard on, is the key when you're working from home, where there's no boss to watch or supervise you. Freedom, which is something I enjoy from the start, is the greatest prize you can get. It's true that it's much, much less stressful compared to when you're working in an office with co-workers whose presence or worse, faces, you don't want to see. I've worked for 3-4 different private establishments since I graduated college, and being a somewhat-anti-social person, some colleagues just get on my nerves that I hated dealing with them. But of course, I had no choice but be as civil as I could.

One of the perks you get when working from home.

Anyway, so working from home is priceless for me. It's the best setting I can imagine so far. I am my own boss in a way, and I've always valued the independence that comes with it. For the first time, I can truly say that the world is my oyster. Yes, there are still deadlines, which, in my opinion, are a necessary pressure, but everything else is just perfect. Perhaps one day, when I'm rich enough, after having gone the distance of everything I have started, then I will be totally free. But until then, I will have to continue appreciating and enjoying what I have now. Besides, those deadlines kind of tickle my senses when I tend to go overly laid-back. To put it in a nutshell, I can imagine myself earning from home for the rest of my life, really. I guess that's one goal achieved!

Some relatives and immediate family members have asked me when I am going to put my teaching profession into practice, and my instant reply would be, when teachers' salaries are more than what I am earning now. I presume that they are referring to my being one of those regular town teachers they look up to and call "ma'am". At times I feel they just want to see me wearing one of those teacher uniforms, to hear kids greeting me "good morning or good afternoon", or maybe to hear neighbors calling or referring to me as the "ma'am" in the family. Coming from a humble, lowly family, I would say their wanting me to use my teacher's license is more of a family pride thing. No, it's not really about what I want. I am aware that some of them think I'm a disappointment in a way, because of the above-mentioned explanation, but well, I am not the type who does what other people say, and they know that.

At Likha with my 2 SPi mommies.

Someday, when I have a business I can rely on, I will pursue my teaching profession, but most likely not as a regular teacher. I have been telling some of my closest cousins about my plans of holding community tutorials and have collected a few materials for that goal. Hopefully, things go as planned. That's another priority. Not only will I attain that sense of self-fulfillment, I will also make some relatives proud because finally, I will have become a "ma'am" by then (Teehee).

In Kabankalan with 2 of my closest PCI buddies.

Hence, there's one missing piece that can make all these things happen: sufficient funding. I know Jessie J sings "it's not about the money" and other wisdom quotes elaborate about money not making the world go round, but I also know that at the end of the day, money is not nothing either. Whether your purposes are self-centered or society-oriented, no matter how little, you  need money to fulfill them. This is one priority that I have to work really, really hard for. If there was a 1-100 richness scale, I'd be somewhere between 0.01 and 0.02. Way to go, way to go... I still have a very long way to go.

On top of these priorities, of course, I have my friends to attend to. Today, a friend on FB posted this beautiful quote by Pam Brown: "A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often — just to save it from drying out completely."

In Star City with 2 of my closest high school buddies.

I've met a lot of people in this lifetime, and some of them have become my friends, but only very few are true. Some of them seem true, but when the storm comes, they just vanish into  thin air. That's when you know they don't deserve a space in your friend list. I'm not ashamed to admit that I have very few friends because I know they are precious ones — they're the type who can understand why I cry, why I scream, why I'm silent, and why I'm mad, without asking many questions. They know when their advice is needed and they know when to leave me alone. As I have said, they are precious, and they make me one lucky person. Thus, they deserve to be on my priority list. Maybe after this writing, I will send them a note telling them how lucky they have been to have me... wait, what? Haha.

In Cebu with 2 of my closest college pals.

My family, of course, is another top priority. We're among the poor in our society and there's no denying that. Yet, despite that, my parents have never failed to remind us to be proud of what we've become. What little achievements we may have are all because of my parents' sacrifices. They've raised us well despite poverty. We were brought up believing that scarcity is never a huge issue — it always has a clean solution. They had poured all their wisdom into us, wisdom that only great parents can give to their children. These pearls of wisdom have been my pillar of strength and support all these years. For that, they deserve a space on my priority list.

Buglasan w/ sis, kids and 2 of my closest cousins.

Some members of my family played very little part of my past; some never did. They just appeared recently, when I have kind of established a name or my own identity. But of course, you meet this kind of people all the time. They sprout like mushrooms, displaying their best, but at the end of the day, you know that they're just that: mushrooms. Some of them, old ones especially, force their way in, sort of forcing you to recognize and acknowledge them. Well, as civil as I am, I can spare a smile or a nod, but I can only give them what they deserve, nothing more. Respect is earned, and I am a strong believer of that. You can't possibly respect mushrooms that have just sprouted up out of nowhere.

My parents' pride.

There goes my list of top priorities: myself, my friends, and my family. I have other things in mind, too; most of them are smaller elements of these three bigger ones. I call these other things my dreams, and they deserve another blog entry. Ciao!